Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
