my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
