Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
