dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
