my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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