**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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