So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
