Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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