He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
