im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
