i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
