Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
