my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
