My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
