I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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