I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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