I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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