I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
