Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
