I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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