The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
