Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
