just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
