Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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