yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
