direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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