We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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