oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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