you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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