I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
