The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
