Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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