The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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