He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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