SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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