No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
try to milk me bitch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
