Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
