Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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