1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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