just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
