I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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