I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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