We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
