I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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