Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
