a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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