Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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