Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
