my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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