I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
