I just threw up on my dentist
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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