Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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