Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
