There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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