why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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