I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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