And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
