I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
