I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sober January is a disaster.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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