I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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