Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
