So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My life is pants optional.
Randomize