After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
