i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
