So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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