she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
