Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
