Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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