You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
