So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
