if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
