something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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