do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
