I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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