That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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